The Sat Nav Lover
The Sat Nav Lover

Are you a Sat Nav. lover or a Sat Nav. hater?

Some people will let their life be ruled by their Sat. Nav. for one; Mr Hoff.

I have tried desperately hard to resist the temptation and so far haven’t done too badly but I must admit there are times when they can most useful.  I have been relieved to be able to dig it out from the back of the glove compartment, dust it off and then rely on one of my teenagers to kick start it into action.  However, the love affair between Mr Hoff and his ‘Ozzy Chick’ (the Sat. Nav. lady) really has started to take the biscuit.

Oh the joys of the family holiday.  Weeks if not months before our departure to the French Alps I was confidently instructed that all the maps were down loaded and the journey would be a doddle.  Oh, and no need to buy a French Road Map – Waste of money, ‘apparently’.  The ‘Ozzy Chick’ will sort it.  Ok then, so we get the car packed up, switch the ‘Ozzy Chick’ on – no recognition of our final destination, or our second nights stay, or our first nights stay or even Calais.  Thankfully she knows where Dover is which is a start I suppose, but that’s no mean feat, so do we.  I did dare myself to suggest, again, about getting a French Road Map and was told that it will all kick into place when we get to Calais.  I put my hands up in submission and dutifully took my place in the car.

We get to Dover with a comfortable amount of time to relax, had the kip if we so desired and a further mess with the Sat. Nav. before our night crossing.  The last activity I tried to ignore as I knew I had a long night ahead of me as moral support for the driver.  With the male members of the party safely off  investigating the facilities at the ferry terminal I made the most of my quiet time whilst Daughter No. 1 caught up with her social networking. Before too long however, the wonderers returned with not only cups of steaming cups of Costa Coffee but yes you’ve guessed it, a French Road Map atlas, my old fashioned travelling duties returned to organising the route.

Our journey, with the French Road Map, you could say was perfect, we sailed along the motorway system, into Reims and Chambery and I have to admit with a few little hitches on the smaller roads when finding our accommodation.  I must admit that the ‘Ozzy Chick’ did get her act together after Chambery about one and half hours to our destination, so life with ‘Ozzy Chick’ and maps worked very well together and you could almost say in perfect harmony until BAM my fantastic week is plummeted into turmoil with my expert map reading skills being tossed aside with Mr Hoff being ruled, like a rod of iron, by ‘The Ozzy Chick’.  Still I assumed, and I know that it is dangerous thing to do, but yes, I assumed that the ‘Ozzy Chick’ would give up the ghost for our journey home, so I get continue with my map reading duties and we continue working in unison on the route. This happy unison came to an abrupt end when she suddenly takes a left turn off the motorway and up through Annecy straight into a two hour traffic cue, straight past a very close motorway junction where I might add most of the other traffic headed off to and into the business area of the city.

This is when the backseat drivers chirped up;

‘Oh, this is ridiculous!’

‘Why don’t you just let Mum take over!’

‘Turn her off.  She is useless!’

As tempers started to get out of control and I was all set get out of the car and hitch home I spotted the golden arches (not that I am a great MacDonald’s fan) it was easy, quick and comforting place to see, I suggested it was time to take a break and gain control.

Inhale and count to 125.

Ready fuelled with comfort food, hot drinks and a calmer frame of mind we get back into the car and blow me what does MR Hoff do – switches on ‘The Ozzy Chick’!   Guess what response came from the back seat drivers,

‘Uhh! I don’t believe it!’

And did I secretly go,

‘Yeah I’ve got the important people in my life on my side!’  Of course I did.  As I continued to use positive reasoning skills and resorted to a peaceful few hours of reading and admiring the scenery whilst Mr Hoff continued his love affair with his ‘Ozzy Chick’.

After a couple of hours and long traffic cues I became aware of a question being asked;

‘Is there a better route?’

I won’t lie to you I was desperate to say;

‘Pardon, can you just repeat it, I didn’t catch that.’

‘Told you so!’

‘Oh, fallen out with your ‘Ozzy Chick then?’

‘Is she not up to scratch anymore?’

‘Finally come to your senses have you?’

‘You’ve finally decided I am good enough for you after all!’

But I took control of my senses and my choice of words, realizing that my marriage was worth more than that and so our three way travelling relationship continues.

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